Well, it is official; the last celebration has occured, the decorations are packed and back in the attic, the Christmas cookies that were not eaten, have been tossed and I'm back to listening to smooth jazz. The holidays are over. Good times, good friends, great food even in the midst of chaos. This morning as I write I am sitting directly across from the couch where my daughter has spent most of the last nine weeks. Still no improvement. The medication that we all thought would "cure" her has only resulted in side-effects that have made her weaker, feeling sicker and definately skinnier! Now even getting up the stairs to go to bed leaves her legs aching. Nausea is her constant companion. Somehow she weathered the holidays with relatively good spirits, but now the tears come more frequently. She is so frustrated, so depleted, so very much out of sync for what a girl her age should be experiencing. What comes next I do not know. Right now we are awaiting word from Mayo Clinic to find out if we will head up to the "great white north" or if they will simply make recommendations for the doctors here and/or in Omaha to carry out more locally.
My sweet mother is constantly worried about her (as are many others) and being the positive person that she is, will continually look for any positive sign that she can see; be that a smile, a twinkle in Bailey's eye or that she is eating something. The holidays with mom were bittersweet. I was often wondering what the next set of holidays would be like. Namenda, the medication that my mom is now on, seems to be helping some and without the ugly side-effects of the Aricept that we spent the first six months trying to make work. Her ability to converse seems to come easier. Some of the things that she remembers just blow me away. People and events from two weeks ago; a period in her memory that I think would not exist at all are often able to be recalled. I have learned that her quick wit is actually a hallmark sign of Alzheimer's. I wish I could remember exactly what she said at our Christmas celebration last week, but I stood up, went over to her and told her that she was the cutest thing ever. She seemed to like that; as it brought a huge smile to her face and even a little giggle. We hugged, she gave me a kiss and told me she loved me. It was my favorite gift.
One gentle and beautiful reminder that this woman is still the one I have known for 41 years, was stationed just like they always have been above her kitchen sink. Strangely absent for the past several months, her index cards with Bible verses once again occupied their familiar position. The first at the front of the stack was from Ephesians 5; "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition submit your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Little could anyone have known that Bailey and I had just had a discussion about that verse just a day or two prior. I love that verse because it contains a command, but it also contains a promise. Notice that it says to not be anxious about ANYTHING. It doesn't say some things or little things. It says, DO NOT be anxious about ANYTHING. Why? Because with anything and everything, we can take it to God and lay it at His feet. Then comes the promise...PEACE. And not just any peace, but the peace that transcends ALL understanding. It's being calm in the midst of life's storms. Notice that the verse does not promise that it will be easy or that it will be over. It promises PEACE. Bailey and I decided that we knew we could rest in God's promises regarding her health. We could claim and receive peace in the midst of the frustration, weakness, dizziness and chaos of her situation. Seeing that same verse above my mother's kitchen sink assured me that God's love for her and all of us is at work. I and my entire family can have peace about mom as well. The reading of the Christmas story, the singing of carols; all familiar to her seem to come so naturally and easily. The fact that mom did not participate in the preparation of the meal is just really a detail. She was there. She was there laughing, smiling and no doubt thanking God for her family and for sending His Son, Jesus. "Sleep, in heavenly peace."
