The Lady Who Runs the Restroom...

Laughter is the best medicine. Of that, there is no doubt. In the midst my my mom's declining mental capacity there have been, believe it or not, moments that have literally left us doubled-over with laughter; although often accompanied by tears. Recently, Sue and I decided that someday we would enjoy remembering some of the lighter moments during this journey. I hope you will smile, laugh and see the woman we all know tucked away in so many of these wonderful quips.


While showing me some scraps of material in the closet, "These have been here since I started working here.  I think I'm going to look for a new job." I told her when she found one to let me know, as I might want to work there too. Then we both laughed and laughed.


"I was talking to 'that lady'.  You know, the one that runs the restroom.  I told her that my grandchildren were here.  She didn't say anything, but she smiled and smiled at me." She said this when we were at the lake one day this summer. Just a week or two later while she and dad were picking Deb up at the airport she said something to this effect; "I just cannot believe that the same lady that runs our bathroom works here too!"


About her caregiver when dad goes to the farm; Beth - "It's so nice that she comes to help you." Mom - "I don't think she wants to help. She wants to be in charge."


A recurring theme for her is all the men that come to eat and how 'busy' she is making all this food. She conveyed to me that she was concerned that they would come for 'dinner' while she and I were gone. I said, "Mom, you know, I told dad that you are 82 years-old and you don't need to be doing all that cooking anymore. There are plenty of places to eat in town. They just need to go out." She replied, "Well yes, I suppose they could do that, but they like to come here because it's free."


To my sister Sue while they were getting in the car and driving; "Every time, I get in the car there is this old lady who is always watching me right outside my door here. (As she pointed to the passenger side mirror.)  If I smile at her, she will smile at me.  If I wave, she will wave back. Your dad always is telling me to quit waving at her!" Sue said, "Oh mom, that sounds just like something dad would say." Mom burst out laughing and so did Sue. They agreed that was certainly dad to a "T".


About accepting new things, "You know, I just have to decide that it will be okay and then I can adjust."


One day my sister Jean was scrubbing the kitchen floor. My mom said, "Oh, you can't do that! The lady that cleans does that and she will be so disappointed if you do it." Jean replied, "Oh I talked to her and she said I could do it today." Quickly mom shot back, "You're lying. She doesn't talk."


Whenever she sees her youngest Grandson, Landon; "You know, he is just the neatest guy! Here in the last year or so, whenever we come somewhere, he always comes to the door to meet me and helps me find my way. He is just so polite. You are just doing such a fantastic job with him."


Thanks, Mom. That means more than you could know. 


Enjoy the pictures of what was probably mom's 'last' Grandparent's Day with my kids at their school.

We love you Nanny! (Bailey, Lexis, Landon)

What was it like when...

Nanny and Lexis

Prayers Answered...And I'm Okay With That, Right?

Yesterday, my dad turned 81. Forty-two years ago yesterday, my grandmother (his mother) passed away after a long struggle with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  It just also happened to be my mother's due date - with me! It took another 10 days before I would arrive on the scene and they would give me the name that had also been hers; Elizabeth. She was so certain that I was a boy. But none-the-less, I'm sure she would have loved it that we share a name. Wish I could have met her.  Wish she could have held on long enough for someone to lay me in her arms, even just once.  Guess I just have to wait for Heaven.

Alas, I digress...So today, we went to one of dad's favorite restraunts for dinner to celebrate. It was wonderful to be together and celebrate. I think he really enjoys getting out and being with family. He gives more verbal indications of that, than he would have even a few months ago. I would imagine that it's rather lonely living with someone who now often does not seem like person you had lived with for almost 60 years.  Mom is declining. It feels sometimes like it is going way to fast.

One of the peculiar things about diseases like Alzheimer's is that you see a change and you adjust.  Then that starts to feel 'normal' and you find yourself thinking, "This isn't so bad. We can do this."  About that time, another big change occurs and once again sends your world into a tail-spin.  You fight to regain your balance and then the cycle begins again.  Right now we are in the tail-spin part of that cycle. Prayer answered.

Really??? How could that be an answered prayer, you may ask?  Months ago, I began praying that my mom would be able to attend and thoroughly enjoy my nephew's wedding in July.  In fact, I enlisted a small army of people to pray.  My mom came through with flying colors for the big weekend! It was such a joy to watch her that weekend, but yet bittersweet. The next "big" life event to occur will be my own daughter graduating from high-school. My dear, sweet mother may be with us still in body, but she will not be aware of that event in just under 3 years. I know that with all my being. I've struggled and mostly come to accept that, but it doesn't mean that I like it.

In my prayers I specifically petitioned God that she be able to be as "present" as possible for the wedding and after that?  I would lay down any selfish desires that I had concerning my mom and trust God. It's now been just a little over a month since the wedding and mom has changed significantly in that month.  It breaks my heart. It breaks all our hearts. My dad's heart is, I think, lying shattered everywhere.

Last week we got to spend some time at their house. My sister brought her grandbaby who is now almost two. After dinner, my mom was talking with her. Or more like, she was talking to mom in her own pseudo-language of half English and half toddler.  I watched from across the table as my mom used an empty plastic glass as a make-shift hat. She would put it on her head and then when it would slide off, they would both laugh and laugh. Over and over she did this and never did the trick become old to either of them. Tears filled my eyes as I watched her play with the baby just like she would have with any of her grandchildren and for those moments, she was my mom. More tears came and come again now as I realized I would never be able to watch her play with my grandchildren like that. Such a cruel disease.

So, God answered my prayers! Yay, right? I think so, I guess. Maybe I'm wondering if I can get a 'take back'? Maybe I'm not ok with this? Maybe I'll never be okay with this? I don't honestly know today. Perhaps tomorrow will be better or it may come with more change, still. Daily, Jesus asks me to lay my requests at his feet and to trust him.  I'm great at talking about that and I can even lay my requests before him. But, can I leave them there? That's a little more complicated, requires a lot more faith and a strong dose of dying to my own wants and desires.  I guess I am still working on that one...or perhaps God is still working on me.

Yesterday, Tim Tebow, my daughter's #1 hero had this verse on his Facebook status.  Jeremiah 26:14: "As for me, behold, I am in your hands; do with me whatever you think is good and right." Mom is in His hands. I know He is way bigger than this disease. Prayers were answered. I don't think I would ask for a "do-over" or a "take-back", even if I could.

10 x 6 = 60

Yesterday, June 5, was my parent's 60th wedding anniversary.  As my son would say, "That's a long time!" And indeed it is.  In 21st century standards, it is almost unheard of. What does it take to make a marriage last 60 years? Better yet, what does it take to make a GOOD marriage for 60 years? Maybe the answer is in the word 'good', minus an 'o' and capitalize the 'g'.  GOD. I'm not sure how you make a marriage 'good' without God. I mean let's think about it; 60 years with the same person through all kinds of trials, struggles, disappointments with some really good times thrown in the mix.  It's hard work to be married, yet my parents have always made it look incredibly easy. They had a few things going for them to begin with; such as almost identical socio-economic and religious backgrounds. They each had parents who loved and cared for one another, and they had a strong community of support through friends and relatives.

But I think for them it's more than that.  Marriage is probably one of the most self-less things you will ever do; if you do it right. I believe my parents have always put the other's needs before their own.  This seems to work particularly well, when both parties are doing it. It's often disasterous when one spouse abides by this principle and the other is slightly narcissistic! My dad has always been more concerned about my mom's happiness than his own and my mom has always been more concerned about my dad's happiness than her own.  Therefore, their lives have blended together in this beautiful harmony that has filled countless other lives with beauty. Hmmmm...it gives me pause to just sit and contemplate the blessing that has been in my life and potentially for generations to come. So far out of their seven grand-children, four have already chosen their marriage partners and I don't believe they could have possibly chosen any better than they have.  I can only hope and pray that my children will chose as wisely. Of course, while there is never a guarantee of success, it always helps to start with a good recipe.

This last week one of my very best friends lost her mother at the young age of 66.  No time to say good-bye.  No "I love you's" could be spoken.  She just went to her job in the morning and within a couple of hours she was gone.  I wrestle with the long, painful good-bye that we are all saying with my mom, but I can't imagine NOT saying good-bye.  Maybe in the end, it's just hard either way.  We don't get to choose the way we exit this life and very few of us will get to exit the way we would want. (For me, that would be napping on the beach at about age 95, having walked to the beach.)  Bottom line?  We don't know when our last conversation will be with those we love so we need to continue to appreciate the moments, because in the end they are all we have. Perhaps not many of us will have 60 years with our spouse. Maybe we can learn a few things from dad and mom. Putting others before ourselves results in some very beautiful moments, indeed.

School's Out...Oh No!!!

Yesterday was the first official day of summer break for me, for my kids and most of the city in which we live. Yikes! Why does this time always scare me so much?  And then why am I always so sad to see it end? Chores have been assigned, schedules are set and vacation time is planned. Many fun times will be shared this summer, yet for those of us who either choose to or have to work, the next couple of months evoke enough fear and guilt to send many of us over the edge; or at least to the wine cellar. It's been almost five months since I've blogged.  Can't believe it.  For the last several months, the guilt of not having blogged, kept me away from blogging longer still. Crazy!

Winter has passed, (thankfully) and spring is almost to a close. I planted tulips last fall and they came up beautifully! I was forced to smile each time I gazed upon them. Such a promise of new life and for me the signaling of the end of cold weather. I love warmer weather.  Don't get me wrong; I can do without 95 degrees with 95 percent humidity.  But give me 75 during the day and cool, crisp nights and I think I could live in those conditions for the remainder of my days.  Alas, I live in Nebraska and if we get a half-dozen of those days all year (without a 40 mile an hour wind) we consider ourselves lucky. Thankfully, I have been able to exercise outside pretty consistently the last month or so. Man, how I love that! But I'm never too caught up in my exercise to stop and listen to a Cardinal.  Cardinals absolutely fascinate me. I remember my dad pointing them out to me when I was a child. I can remembering him standing at the window looking for the beautiful red-feathered creature, with it's most distinct call. Were they a rarity 35 years ago? Or was he just fascinated with them too? I also gawk at the yards and landscapings of the beautiful homes I pass by.  Sometimes to the point where I nearly trip over uneven sidewalks! Today I stopped by a pond and just watched the water for a bit. Drink in the moments...

I would like to think that summertime will allow for more peaceful times to drink in moments, but like always, I'm sure we'll be going crazy after this week when there seems to be a lull between school and summer schedules.  We've got two on basketball teams this summer and next week they will play 6 games in three nights. I will "go" to work most days, even though "going" consists of padding over to my home office; which I have found to be both a blessing and a curse. Perhaps the bottom line is that I'm afraid that my "moments" with my kids are slipping away too fast. So when summer comes I get scared that I will miss the moments because of obligations to my job, laundry, cooking and activity schedules. Maybe that is why I am always scared to see it come, but sorry to see it end. Here we go...

Holidays, Hope & Healing...

Well, it is official; the last celebration has occured, the decorations are packed and back in the attic, the Christmas cookies that were not eaten, have been tossed and I'm back to listening to smooth jazz.  The holidays are over. Good times, good friends, great food even in the midst of chaos.  This morning as I write I am sitting directly across from the couch where my daughter has spent most of the last nine weeks. Still no improvement.  The medication that we all thought would "cure" her has only resulted in side-effects that have made her weaker, feeling sicker and definately skinnier! Now even getting up the stairs to go to bed leaves her legs aching.  Nausea is her constant companion. Somehow she weathered the holidays with relatively good spirits, but now the tears come more frequently.  She is so frustrated, so depleted, so very much out of sync for what a girl her age should be experiencing. What comes next I do not know. Right now we are awaiting word from Mayo Clinic to find out if we will head up to the "great white north" or if they will simply make recommendations for the doctors here and/or in Omaha to carry out more locally.
My sweet mother is constantly worried about her (as are many others) and being the positive person that she is, will continually look for any positive sign that she can see; be that a smile, a twinkle in Bailey's eye or that she is eating something. The holidays with mom were bittersweet. I was often wondering what the next set of holidays would be like. Namenda, the medication that my mom is now on, seems to be helping some and without the ugly side-effects of the Aricept that we spent the first six months trying to make work.  Her ability to converse seems to come easier. Some of the things that she remembers just blow me away.  People and events from two weeks ago; a period in her memory that I think would not exist at all are often able to be recalled. I have learned that her quick wit is actually a hallmark sign of Alzheimer's.  I wish I could remember exactly what she said at our Christmas celebration last week, but I stood up, went over to her and told her that she was the cutest thing ever.  She seemed to like that; as it brought a huge smile to her face and even a little giggle.  We hugged, she gave me a kiss and told me she loved me. It was my favorite gift.
One gentle and beautiful reminder that this woman is still the one I have known for 41 years, was stationed just like they always have been above her kitchen sink.  Strangely absent for the past several months, her index cards with Bible verses once again occupied their familiar position.  The first at the front of the stack was from Ephesians 5; "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition submit your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  Little could anyone have known that Bailey and I had just had a discussion about that verse just a day or two prior. I love that verse because it contains a command, but it also contains a promise.  Notice that it says to not be anxious about ANYTHING.  It doesn't say some things or little things.  It says, DO NOT be anxious about ANYTHING.  Why?  Because with anything and everything, we can take it to God and lay it at His feet.  Then comes the promise...PEACE. And not just any peace, but the peace that transcends ALL understanding.  It's being calm in the midst of life's storms.  Notice that the verse does not promise that it will be easy or that it will be over.  It promises PEACE. Bailey and I decided that we knew we could rest in God's promises regarding her health.  We could claim and receive peace in the midst of the frustration, weakness, dizziness and chaos of her situation. Seeing that same verse above my mother's kitchen sink assured me that God's love for her and all of us is at work. I and my entire family can have peace about mom as well. The reading of the Christmas story, the singing of carols; all familiar to her seem to come so naturally and easily. The fact that mom did not participate in the preparation of the meal is just really a detail. She was there.  She was there laughing, smiling and no doubt thanking God for her family and for sending His Son, Jesus.  "Sleep, in heavenly peace."