10 x 6 = 60

Yesterday, June 5, was my parent's 60th wedding anniversary.  As my son would say, "That's a long time!" And indeed it is.  In 21st century standards, it is almost unheard of. What does it take to make a marriage last 60 years? Better yet, what does it take to make a GOOD marriage for 60 years? Maybe the answer is in the word 'good', minus an 'o' and capitalize the 'g'.  GOD. I'm not sure how you make a marriage 'good' without God. I mean let's think about it; 60 years with the same person through all kinds of trials, struggles, disappointments with some really good times thrown in the mix.  It's hard work to be married, yet my parents have always made it look incredibly easy. They had a few things going for them to begin with; such as almost identical socio-economic and religious backgrounds. They each had parents who loved and cared for one another, and they had a strong community of support through friends and relatives.

But I think for them it's more than that.  Marriage is probably one of the most self-less things you will ever do; if you do it right. I believe my parents have always put the other's needs before their own.  This seems to work particularly well, when both parties are doing it. It's often disasterous when one spouse abides by this principle and the other is slightly narcissistic! My dad has always been more concerned about my mom's happiness than his own and my mom has always been more concerned about my dad's happiness than her own.  Therefore, their lives have blended together in this beautiful harmony that has filled countless other lives with beauty. Hmmmm...it gives me pause to just sit and contemplate the blessing that has been in my life and potentially for generations to come. So far out of their seven grand-children, four have already chosen their marriage partners and I don't believe they could have possibly chosen any better than they have.  I can only hope and pray that my children will chose as wisely. Of course, while there is never a guarantee of success, it always helps to start with a good recipe.

This last week one of my very best friends lost her mother at the young age of 66.  No time to say good-bye.  No "I love you's" could be spoken.  She just went to her job in the morning and within a couple of hours she was gone.  I wrestle with the long, painful good-bye that we are all saying with my mom, but I can't imagine NOT saying good-bye.  Maybe in the end, it's just hard either way.  We don't get to choose the way we exit this life and very few of us will get to exit the way we would want. (For me, that would be napping on the beach at about age 95, having walked to the beach.)  Bottom line?  We don't know when our last conversation will be with those we love so we need to continue to appreciate the moments, because in the end they are all we have. Perhaps not many of us will have 60 years with our spouse. Maybe we can learn a few things from dad and mom. Putting others before ourselves results in some very beautiful moments, indeed.