Yesterday, June 5, was my parent's 60th wedding anniversary. As my son would say, "That's a long time!" And indeed it is. In 21st century standards, it is almost unheard of. What does it take to make a marriage last 60 years? Better yet, what does it take to make a GOOD marriage for 60 years? Maybe the answer is in the word 'good', minus an 'o' and capitalize the 'g'. GOD. I'm not sure how you make a marriage 'good' without God. I mean let's think about it; 60 years with the same person through all kinds of trials, struggles, disappointments with some really good times thrown in the mix. It's hard work to be married, yet my parents have always made it look incredibly easy. They had a few things going for them to begin with; such as almost identical socio-economic and religious backgrounds. They each had parents who loved and cared for one another, and they had a strong community of support through friends and relatives.
But I think for them it's more than that. Marriage is probably one of the most self-less things you will ever do; if you do it right. I believe my parents have always put the other's needs before their own. This seems to work particularly well, when both parties are doing it. It's often disasterous when one spouse abides by this principle and the other is slightly narcissistic! My dad has always been more concerned about my mom's happiness than his own and my mom has always been more concerned about my dad's happiness than her own. Therefore, their lives have blended together in this beautiful harmony that has filled countless other lives with beauty. Hmmmm...it gives me pause to just sit and contemplate the blessing that has been in my life and potentially for generations to come. So far out of their seven grand-children, four have already chosen their marriage partners and I don't believe they could have possibly chosen any better than they have. I can only hope and pray that my children will chose as wisely. Of course, while there is never a guarantee of success, it always helps to start with a good recipe.
This last week one of my very best friends lost her mother at the young age of 66. No time to say good-bye. No "I love you's" could be spoken. She just went to her job in the morning and within a couple of hours she was gone. I wrestle with the long, painful good-bye that we are all saying with my mom, but I can't imagine NOT saying good-bye. Maybe in the end, it's just hard either way. We don't get to choose the way we exit this life and very few of us will get to exit the way we would want. (For me, that would be napping on the beach at about age 95, having walked to the beach.) Bottom line? We don't know when our last conversation will be with those we love so we need to continue to appreciate the moments, because in the end they are all we have. Perhaps not many of us will have 60 years with our spouse. Maybe we can learn a few things from dad and mom. Putting others before ourselves results in some very beautiful moments, indeed.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
School's Out...Oh No!!!
Yesterday was the first official day of summer break for me, for my kids and most of the city in which we live. Yikes! Why does this time always scare me so much? And then why am I always so sad to see it end? Chores have been assigned, schedules are set and vacation time is planned. Many fun times will be shared this summer, yet for those of us who either choose to or have to work, the next couple of months evoke enough fear and guilt to send many of us over the edge; or at least to the wine cellar. It's been almost five months since I've blogged. Can't believe it. For the last several months, the guilt of not having blogged, kept me away from blogging longer still. Crazy!
Winter has passed, (thankfully) and spring is almost to a close. I planted tulips last fall and they came up beautifully! I was forced to smile each time I gazed upon them. Such a promise of new life and for me the signaling of the end of cold weather. I love warmer weather. Don't get me wrong; I can do without 95 degrees with 95 percent humidity. But give me 75 during the day and cool, crisp nights and I think I could live in those conditions for the remainder of my days. Alas, I live in Nebraska and if we get a half-dozen of those days all year (without a 40 mile an hour wind) we consider ourselves lucky. Thankfully, I have been able to exercise outside pretty consistently the last month or so. Man, how I love that! But I'm never too caught up in my exercise to stop and listen to a Cardinal. Cardinals absolutely fascinate me. I remember my dad pointing them out to me when I was a child. I can remembering him standing at the window looking for the beautiful red-feathered creature, with it's most distinct call. Were they a rarity 35 years ago? Or was he just fascinated with them too? I also gawk at the yards and landscapings of the beautiful homes I pass by. Sometimes to the point where I nearly trip over uneven sidewalks! Today I stopped by a pond and just watched the water for a bit. Drink in the moments...
I would like to think that summertime will allow for more peaceful times to drink in moments, but like always, I'm sure we'll be going crazy after this week when there seems to be a lull between school and summer schedules. We've got two on basketball teams this summer and next week they will play 6 games in three nights. I will "go" to work most days, even though "going" consists of padding over to my home office; which I have found to be both a blessing and a curse. Perhaps the bottom line is that I'm afraid that my "moments" with my kids are slipping away too fast. So when summer comes I get scared that I will miss the moments because of obligations to my job, laundry, cooking and activity schedules. Maybe that is why I am always scared to see it come, but sorry to see it end. Here we go...
Winter has passed, (thankfully) and spring is almost to a close. I planted tulips last fall and they came up beautifully! I was forced to smile each time I gazed upon them. Such a promise of new life and for me the signaling of the end of cold weather. I love warmer weather. Don't get me wrong; I can do without 95 degrees with 95 percent humidity. But give me 75 during the day and cool, crisp nights and I think I could live in those conditions for the remainder of my days. Alas, I live in Nebraska and if we get a half-dozen of those days all year (without a 40 mile an hour wind) we consider ourselves lucky. Thankfully, I have been able to exercise outside pretty consistently the last month or so. Man, how I love that! But I'm never too caught up in my exercise to stop and listen to a Cardinal. Cardinals absolutely fascinate me. I remember my dad pointing them out to me when I was a child. I can remembering him standing at the window looking for the beautiful red-feathered creature, with it's most distinct call. Were they a rarity 35 years ago? Or was he just fascinated with them too? I also gawk at the yards and landscapings of the beautiful homes I pass by. Sometimes to the point where I nearly trip over uneven sidewalks! Today I stopped by a pond and just watched the water for a bit. Drink in the moments...
I would like to think that summertime will allow for more peaceful times to drink in moments, but like always, I'm sure we'll be going crazy after this week when there seems to be a lull between school and summer schedules. We've got two on basketball teams this summer and next week they will play 6 games in three nights. I will "go" to work most days, even though "going" consists of padding over to my home office; which I have found to be both a blessing and a curse. Perhaps the bottom line is that I'm afraid that my "moments" with my kids are slipping away too fast. So when summer comes I get scared that I will miss the moments because of obligations to my job, laundry, cooking and activity schedules. Maybe that is why I am always scared to see it come, but sorry to see it end. Here we go...
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Holidays, Hope & Healing...
Well, it is official; the last celebration has occured, the decorations are packed and back in the attic, the Christmas cookies that were not eaten, have been tossed and I'm back to listening to smooth jazz. The holidays are over. Good times, good friends, great food even in the midst of chaos. This morning as I write I am sitting directly across from the couch where my daughter has spent most of the last nine weeks. Still no improvement. The medication that we all thought would "cure" her has only resulted in side-effects that have made her weaker, feeling sicker and definately skinnier! Now even getting up the stairs to go to bed leaves her legs aching. Nausea is her constant companion. Somehow she weathered the holidays with relatively good spirits, but now the tears come more frequently. She is so frustrated, so depleted, so very much out of sync for what a girl her age should be experiencing. What comes next I do not know. Right now we are awaiting word from Mayo Clinic to find out if we will head up to the "great white north" or if they will simply make recommendations for the doctors here and/or in Omaha to carry out more locally.
My sweet mother is constantly worried about her (as are many others) and being the positive person that she is, will continually look for any positive sign that she can see; be that a smile, a twinkle in Bailey's eye or that she is eating something. The holidays with mom were bittersweet. I was often wondering what the next set of holidays would be like. Namenda, the medication that my mom is now on, seems to be helping some and without the ugly side-effects of the Aricept that we spent the first six months trying to make work. Her ability to converse seems to come easier. Some of the things that she remembers just blow me away. People and events from two weeks ago; a period in her memory that I think would not exist at all are often able to be recalled. I have learned that her quick wit is actually a hallmark sign of Alzheimer's. I wish I could remember exactly what she said at our Christmas celebration last week, but I stood up, went over to her and told her that she was the cutest thing ever. She seemed to like that; as it brought a huge smile to her face and even a little giggle. We hugged, she gave me a kiss and told me she loved me. It was my favorite gift.
One gentle and beautiful reminder that this woman is still the one I have known for 41 years, was stationed just like they always have been above her kitchen sink. Strangely absent for the past several months, her index cards with Bible verses once again occupied their familiar position. The first at the front of the stack was from Ephesians 5; "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition submit your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Little could anyone have known that Bailey and I had just had a discussion about that verse just a day or two prior. I love that verse because it contains a command, but it also contains a promise. Notice that it says to not be anxious about ANYTHING. It doesn't say some things or little things. It says, DO NOT be anxious about ANYTHING. Why? Because with anything and everything, we can take it to God and lay it at His feet. Then comes the promise...PEACE. And not just any peace, but the peace that transcends ALL understanding. It's being calm in the midst of life's storms. Notice that the verse does not promise that it will be easy or that it will be over. It promises PEACE. Bailey and I decided that we knew we could rest in God's promises regarding her health. We could claim and receive peace in the midst of the frustration, weakness, dizziness and chaos of her situation. Seeing that same verse above my mother's kitchen sink assured me that God's love for her and all of us is at work. I and my entire family can have peace about mom as well. The reading of the Christmas story, the singing of carols; all familiar to her seem to come so naturally and easily. The fact that mom did not participate in the preparation of the meal is just really a detail. She was there. She was there laughing, smiling and no doubt thanking God for her family and for sending His Son, Jesus. "Sleep, in heavenly peace."
My sweet mother is constantly worried about her (as are many others) and being the positive person that she is, will continually look for any positive sign that she can see; be that a smile, a twinkle in Bailey's eye or that she is eating something. The holidays with mom were bittersweet. I was often wondering what the next set of holidays would be like. Namenda, the medication that my mom is now on, seems to be helping some and without the ugly side-effects of the Aricept that we spent the first six months trying to make work. Her ability to converse seems to come easier. Some of the things that she remembers just blow me away. People and events from two weeks ago; a period in her memory that I think would not exist at all are often able to be recalled. I have learned that her quick wit is actually a hallmark sign of Alzheimer's. I wish I could remember exactly what she said at our Christmas celebration last week, but I stood up, went over to her and told her that she was the cutest thing ever. She seemed to like that; as it brought a huge smile to her face and even a little giggle. We hugged, she gave me a kiss and told me she loved me. It was my favorite gift.
One gentle and beautiful reminder that this woman is still the one I have known for 41 years, was stationed just like they always have been above her kitchen sink. Strangely absent for the past several months, her index cards with Bible verses once again occupied their familiar position. The first at the front of the stack was from Ephesians 5; "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition submit your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Little could anyone have known that Bailey and I had just had a discussion about that verse just a day or two prior. I love that verse because it contains a command, but it also contains a promise. Notice that it says to not be anxious about ANYTHING. It doesn't say some things or little things. It says, DO NOT be anxious about ANYTHING. Why? Because with anything and everything, we can take it to God and lay it at His feet. Then comes the promise...PEACE. And not just any peace, but the peace that transcends ALL understanding. It's being calm in the midst of life's storms. Notice that the verse does not promise that it will be easy or that it will be over. It promises PEACE. Bailey and I decided that we knew we could rest in God's promises regarding her health. We could claim and receive peace in the midst of the frustration, weakness, dizziness and chaos of her situation. Seeing that same verse above my mother's kitchen sink assured me that God's love for her and all of us is at work. I and my entire family can have peace about mom as well. The reading of the Christmas story, the singing of carols; all familiar to her seem to come so naturally and easily. The fact that mom did not participate in the preparation of the meal is just really a detail. She was there. She was there laughing, smiling and no doubt thanking God for her family and for sending His Son, Jesus. "Sleep, in heavenly peace."
Friday, December 31, 2010
Where has it gone?
Where has it gone? Time, that is. it's been almost two months since I've been able to take the time to write. I would like to write a little, even a few sentences each and every day. I've got books that I would like to start writing and of course there is this blog. However, with both reading and writing I find myself easily caught up in it to the point where nothing else gets done, so unfortunately I put it off until I think everything else is "done", which of course it never is so ergo, the long pause between posts. Another good resolution to add to the list!
The view from inside the sandwich has been an interesting one the past 8 or so weeks. I've enjoyed eight beautiful days in Hawaii with my husband celebrating our 20th anniversary, I've decorated, shopped, baked, wrapped and cooked for the holidays and I've spent way too many weeks with my beautiful 14 year old daughter on the couch with illness. She first spent 2 1/2 weeks with a very odd virus and then since December 2 has been suffering from vertigo. It's been challenging for both of us and she has handled it much better than I would have.
We finally ended up at Children's Hospital yesterday and today where they confirmed this mother's suspicion that there was an inflammatory process going on deep inside her ear and prescribed oral steroids to bring down the inflammation. I would have traveled to the ends of the earth and would have even hung her upside down from atop the Empire State Building if I would have thought it would "fix" her. Repeatedly I asked the physicians treating her here in Lincoln to prescribe steroids and each time they told me "no". So we use how many healthcare resources to learn that a $4.13 prescription should take care of it??? My dear, precious (and very intelligent) friend and Nurse Practitioner, Amy, is the one who first asked me about steroids only days after she first became ill with vertigo- gosh what would I ever do without her! And researching it only confirmed what she thought. After all, if it is protocol for Mayo Clinic to use with their patients suffering from Labrynthitis I thought it should be good enough for my daughter!
Yes I enjoy, no I LOVE, being right. It's probably one of the more satisfying emotions for me. But that's not why I am upset, angry and just plain ticked off that no one listened to me. My daughter has lost 7 weeks of 2010; about 15% of her year! She missed 1/2 a quarter of school! She is weak and severely deconditioned. She has missed making memories with her precious friends and basketball team. The risk/benefit ratio was certainly in our favor with this medication, but instead my mind was fed a steady diet of such dreaded diagnoses as MS, cancer, vascularitis and others. Ahhh...who am I kidding? I certainly would not want the responsibility, risk or exposure that physicians have. I know they have to be so very careful in this litigious society in which we live...but that doesn't allow my daughter to go back and sing in the concert for my mom, or participate in the dynamic fellowship of a Christian basketball team, enjoy Christmas shopping or time with her friends.
Time can never be replaced and once its gone...well you know how that sentence ends. What if it had been cancer? What if tomorrow the phone rings and a life is suddenly over? What if tomorrow is the day you find out that your life will be changed and different forever? Will you, will I, regret how we have spent our time? With tomorrow bringing the close to 2010, what will I vow to do differently in 2011? Will I steward my time more effectively? I sure hope so. Tonight I sat on the couch and held that 14 year old girl. With only 3 1/2 years until she goes away to college how many more times will I have the opportunity to just hold her? Treasure your times before they're gone...
The view from inside the sandwich has been an interesting one the past 8 or so weeks. I've enjoyed eight beautiful days in Hawaii with my husband celebrating our 20th anniversary, I've decorated, shopped, baked, wrapped and cooked for the holidays and I've spent way too many weeks with my beautiful 14 year old daughter on the couch with illness. She first spent 2 1/2 weeks with a very odd virus and then since December 2 has been suffering from vertigo. It's been challenging for both of us and she has handled it much better than I would have.
We finally ended up at Children's Hospital yesterday and today where they confirmed this mother's suspicion that there was an inflammatory process going on deep inside her ear and prescribed oral steroids to bring down the inflammation. I would have traveled to the ends of the earth and would have even hung her upside down from atop the Empire State Building if I would have thought it would "fix" her. Repeatedly I asked the physicians treating her here in Lincoln to prescribe steroids and each time they told me "no". So we use how many healthcare resources to learn that a $4.13 prescription should take care of it??? My dear, precious (and very intelligent) friend and Nurse Practitioner, Amy, is the one who first asked me about steroids only days after she first became ill with vertigo- gosh what would I ever do without her! And researching it only confirmed what she thought. After all, if it is protocol for Mayo Clinic to use with their patients suffering from Labrynthitis I thought it should be good enough for my daughter!
Yes I enjoy, no I LOVE, being right. It's probably one of the more satisfying emotions for me. But that's not why I am upset, angry and just plain ticked off that no one listened to me. My daughter has lost 7 weeks of 2010; about 15% of her year! She missed 1/2 a quarter of school! She is weak and severely deconditioned. She has missed making memories with her precious friends and basketball team. The risk/benefit ratio was certainly in our favor with this medication, but instead my mind was fed a steady diet of such dreaded diagnoses as MS, cancer, vascularitis and others. Ahhh...who am I kidding? I certainly would not want the responsibility, risk or exposure that physicians have. I know they have to be so very careful in this litigious society in which we live...but that doesn't allow my daughter to go back and sing in the concert for my mom, or participate in the dynamic fellowship of a Christian basketball team, enjoy Christmas shopping or time with her friends.
Time can never be replaced and once its gone...well you know how that sentence ends. What if it had been cancer? What if tomorrow the phone rings and a life is suddenly over? What if tomorrow is the day you find out that your life will be changed and different forever? Will you, will I, regret how we have spent our time? With tomorrow bringing the close to 2010, what will I vow to do differently in 2011? Will I steward my time more effectively? I sure hope so. Tonight I sat on the couch and held that 14 year old girl. With only 3 1/2 years until she goes away to college how many more times will I have the opportunity to just hold her? Treasure your times before they're gone...
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
View From the Fog
Today gives me pause to stop and wonder...What would it be like to literally crawl inside the mind of an Alzheimer's patient for even a hour? What is it that goes on in there? I think it would help me so much to understand the world from their viewpoint. I might know better what to say, do, feel. Mom is slipping from us so quickly. She has frequent delusions which she can remember for weeks! What's with that anyways, but she cannot remember where she put her clothes? The mind is a strange, wonderful, complex and poorly understood entity. Yesterday, mom told my sister how she was so amazed that my sister was related to that man they had breakfast with. My sister replied, "You mean Dad?" "Well, that's what you keep calling him. He such a nice man and he has helped me so much through all of this." Praise Jesus that she is not afraid of him. I pray that would continue.
Last week I spent the day with Mom and Dad helping them do some fall baking. It was a very nice day. Mom enjoyed the activity, but I was amazing at the lack of initiation she showed to become involved. She had to be cued to do something very basic, but in a minute had to be 're-cued'. So many typical "alzheimer" type of things were going on. She put the produce from their shopping trip the day before into the freezer, she couldn't stop ruminating about the leftover apples in the bowl on the counter. She just wanted to figure out what they would do with them. Well, we had spent 10 minutes looking for the lid to that bowl, but to no avail. Finally I put some plastic wrap on the bowl and stuck in the fridge. She never brought it up again. "Out of sight, out of mind." She pulled me into the bedroom to recount for me the little boys that had been there weeks before (Her delusion). She said that they were handicapped and did not respond to her, but if she sang to the one little boy he would smile. If she truly did that, I really wished I could have seen it. I bet she sang "Jesus Loves Me". But perhaps it was just in her mind. But now, "They tell me they are gone." she says. The only thing I knew to say was, "Well, it's so nice you don't have to worry about that any more."
I used her beautiful old (and I mean OLD) Singer sewing machine while I was there to do some quick mending. (Us 'sandwich' folks, don't often have sewing machines.) I, of course, couldn't remember exactly how old it was and I asked her if she got it when they got married almost 60 years ago. She said a few things that did not necessarily make sense to me, but then said that her mother-in-law had given it to her as a gift with some inheritance money she had received. Oh, the hours that she has spent at the beautiful old machine. Each one of the famous "Nanny Blankets" were made while sitting at that machine. Four daughters were taught to sew and I know my children were taught by her on that machine as well. They would make pillows and other beautiful creations to bring home after a day of "spoiling" at Nanny's house. It reminded me of the beautiful quilts that she has made. Perhaps a few pieced quilts, but mostly either needle work or plain off-white with the most beautiful, intricate patterns that you could possibly imagine. She could stitch 11 or more stitches to the inch; which in quilting terms is nothing short of amazing. Each stitch was perfect and uniform. Gorgeous. I have an incredible quilt that I will try to post a picture of. My children each have a quilt along with their Nanny blankets. I remember telling my husband that someday I would take out those beautiful works of love and cry. And I will...
This coming weekend Mom will meet her fourth great-grandchild for the first time. They are coming for a visit. Four generations of girls....how cool is that? I hope many, many pictures are taken. I hope that Jen gets a video of Mom singing "Jesus Loves Me" to baby Elena. Jesus does love Mom, just as He does us. He has not forgotten or forsaken her or any of us. And none of us...I mean NOT ONE, could ever go through this if she herself had not equipped us so perfectly for it. She is the one who taught us compassion, humility, caring, sacrifice, remaining positive and always look for something that can be brought out of the situation to help someone or strengthen oneself. And perhaps most importantly that God can be trusted in ALL things.
Jesus love me....even through the fog.
Last week I spent the day with Mom and Dad helping them do some fall baking. It was a very nice day. Mom enjoyed the activity, but I was amazing at the lack of initiation she showed to become involved. She had to be cued to do something very basic, but in a minute had to be 're-cued'. So many typical "alzheimer" type of things were going on. She put the produce from their shopping trip the day before into the freezer, she couldn't stop ruminating about the leftover apples in the bowl on the counter. She just wanted to figure out what they would do with them. Well, we had spent 10 minutes looking for the lid to that bowl, but to no avail. Finally I put some plastic wrap on the bowl and stuck in the fridge. She never brought it up again. "Out of sight, out of mind." She pulled me into the bedroom to recount for me the little boys that had been there weeks before (Her delusion). She said that they were handicapped and did not respond to her, but if she sang to the one little boy he would smile. If she truly did that, I really wished I could have seen it. I bet she sang "Jesus Loves Me". But perhaps it was just in her mind. But now, "They tell me they are gone." she says. The only thing I knew to say was, "Well, it's so nice you don't have to worry about that any more."
I used her beautiful old (and I mean OLD) Singer sewing machine while I was there to do some quick mending. (Us 'sandwich' folks, don't often have sewing machines.) I, of course, couldn't remember exactly how old it was and I asked her if she got it when they got married almost 60 years ago. She said a few things that did not necessarily make sense to me, but then said that her mother-in-law had given it to her as a gift with some inheritance money she had received. Oh, the hours that she has spent at the beautiful old machine. Each one of the famous "Nanny Blankets" were made while sitting at that machine. Four daughters were taught to sew and I know my children were taught by her on that machine as well. They would make pillows and other beautiful creations to bring home after a day of "spoiling" at Nanny's house. It reminded me of the beautiful quilts that she has made. Perhaps a few pieced quilts, but mostly either needle work or plain off-white with the most beautiful, intricate patterns that you could possibly imagine. She could stitch 11 or more stitches to the inch; which in quilting terms is nothing short of amazing. Each stitch was perfect and uniform. Gorgeous. I have an incredible quilt that I will try to post a picture of. My children each have a quilt along with their Nanny blankets. I remember telling my husband that someday I would take out those beautiful works of love and cry. And I will...
This coming weekend Mom will meet her fourth great-grandchild for the first time. They are coming for a visit. Four generations of girls....how cool is that? I hope many, many pictures are taken. I hope that Jen gets a video of Mom singing "Jesus Loves Me" to baby Elena. Jesus does love Mom, just as He does us. He has not forgotten or forsaken her or any of us. And none of us...I mean NOT ONE, could ever go through this if she herself had not equipped us so perfectly for it. She is the one who taught us compassion, humility, caring, sacrifice, remaining positive and always look for something that can be brought out of the situation to help someone or strengthen oneself. And perhaps most importantly that God can be trusted in ALL things.
Jesus love me....even through the fog.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
It Was A Good Day
Each morning had a certain crispness in the air. The sun shown bright while the gentle breeze blew each day, the same as the one before it. Odd for Nebraska. I often called this the "make-up fall". The one preceeding it was trecherous; cold, nasty and unrelenting. (We won't even bring up Winter!) On this beautiful October day, I found myself driving to my hometown to spend time with my mom and then bring her back to Lincoln to watch my oldest daughter, Bailey, play volleyball. When I arrived, Mom was standing in the garage waiting for my impending arrival. I called her when I was about 30 minutes away. She had remembered I was coming, but was uncertain of the time. Since I am often running late, it is the perfect excuse to let her know that I will always call her when I am on the way. We headed over to a local fast food restaurant. Knowing she likes soup, I told her what they were serving. "Oh yes, I'll have that!" she said when I said they were serving chili. Never one to ever appear to have a strong opinion about such things, I found it humorous that she would be so bold with her choice. She loved it and devoured ever last bit. She is so thin. Even thinner than she was in her prime. She once said to me, "I weigh every once in awhile and if I weigh less that 113, I just have to eat like mad." Wow, what a problem to have! Often, now we fear that she forgets to eat, especially when dad has been gone in the field for harvest.
After lunch we set off for the pumpkin patch. She had made it quite clear that she did not have any desire to have those things sitting around her house. But I remember the days when she would buy dozens of them and paint them all sorts of colors and characters. Clowns, sad faces, funny faces, scary faces....they were precious. Many people with Alzheimer's tend to hoard their possessions. Not my mom! The opposite would be quite true. Most of the time we can't find many towels in the house and while she has never been one to have clutter standing around or anything on her kitchen counters, this now seems to be even more exaggerated. I bought some pumpkins for our home and she really seemed to enjoy browsing through the Christmas shop. We drank some apple cider while we looked at the various snowmen, angels and manger scenes.
We headed toward the game and it was wonderful to visit with her as we drove. She seemed to do so well; especially if I was directing the conversation and asking her questions. She talked about her daughter Joyce and her growing up in the depression. One thing that she said to me that I had never heard before was that shortly after they lost this daughter, someone had said to her, "Well, at least she wasn't a real person yet, she probably didn't look like much yet." Mom said that this was the thing that probably hurt her the most "during that time". However, anytime the conversation went idle, she would begin to talk about the "men" in the house.
She so enjoyed watching Bailey play. She seems to do well in that environment and always knows to cheer at the right time and of course, thinks her granddaughter is so very special. It hurts me so much to think that she will most likely not see her get married. She will not hold her children or sing "Jesus Loves Me" to them.
But you know what? THAT was a good day. I cherish the good days and will continue to do so for as long as the Lord would see fit. I believe we will let Bailey provide the next blog entry. She wrote a beautiful speech for a class about her "Nanny". I hope she will share it along with her special thoughts. :)
After lunch we set off for the pumpkin patch. She had made it quite clear that she did not have any desire to have those things sitting around her house. But I remember the days when she would buy dozens of them and paint them all sorts of colors and characters. Clowns, sad faces, funny faces, scary faces....they were precious. Many people with Alzheimer's tend to hoard their possessions. Not my mom! The opposite would be quite true. Most of the time we can't find many towels in the house and while she has never been one to have clutter standing around or anything on her kitchen counters, this now seems to be even more exaggerated. I bought some pumpkins for our home and she really seemed to enjoy browsing through the Christmas shop. We drank some apple cider while we looked at the various snowmen, angels and manger scenes.
We headed toward the game and it was wonderful to visit with her as we drove. She seemed to do so well; especially if I was directing the conversation and asking her questions. She talked about her daughter Joyce and her growing up in the depression. One thing that she said to me that I had never heard before was that shortly after they lost this daughter, someone had said to her, "Well, at least she wasn't a real person yet, she probably didn't look like much yet." Mom said that this was the thing that probably hurt her the most "during that time". However, anytime the conversation went idle, she would begin to talk about the "men" in the house.
She so enjoyed watching Bailey play. She seems to do well in that environment and always knows to cheer at the right time and of course, thinks her granddaughter is so very special. It hurts me so much to think that she will most likely not see her get married. She will not hold her children or sing "Jesus Loves Me" to them.
But you know what? THAT was a good day. I cherish the good days and will continue to do so for as long as the Lord would see fit. I believe we will let Bailey provide the next blog entry. She wrote a beautiful speech for a class about her "Nanny". I hope she will share it along with her special thoughts. :)
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
So What's Between the Bread, Anyways?
I guess I am whatever is inside this sandwich. An interesting thought to ponder, I guess. Midlife crisis? Maybe. I've been a nurse now for going on nearly two decades. What do I want to be doing for the next 20 or 30 years? My heart yearns toward writing and speaking, yet I very much enjoy my job which gives me extensive flexibility and a stable paycheck. Do you really ever know if you are at a crossroads until you have passed it? What I do know is that I was certainly called by God to be a mother. That has to continue to remain the number one priority. Secondly, I have been put in a position to minister to my parents. What an honor and a privilege it is to help the very people who gave so much for me. But what about that third piece of the pie? (Or in this case, sandwich!) What is that supposed to be right now? Continue as I have been? Add the writing and speaking piece in addition? It would be so nice if God would use email to convey his will! But I know that part of the maturing and growing is going through the process to discover what his will is in our lives.
I do think that there are a lot of opportunities that exist to help educate people about this disease and how to best help those suffering from its effects, but are still able to be out and in the community. I do believe that since many people don't know what to do or how to do it, they just choose to do nothing at all. Their fear of doing or saying the wrong thing causes them to not do anything at all. Those closest to the Alzheimer's patient often confuse their ignorance (and I'm using that term as it is defined; please do not confuse it with stupidity) with insensitivity.
Yesterday I received a wonderful book in the mail. It is titled, Creating Moments of Joy by Jolene Brackey. I was unable to locate it at my local bookstore, but was able to order it through Amazon.com. I was completely hooked after just a few pages. I wish that today I had the time to just sit down and devour the book in its entireity. It is nothing short of amazing. It is humorous, light-hearted and REAL. It gives practical insite into how to best bring joy to the Alzheimer's patient and subsequently those closest to them. If you know ANYONE who has suffered from this disease, it is a must read. I am so thankful to the family who recommended it to me. Up until this point, I became nauseated everytime I even picked up a book on the subject of Alzheimers. This book is different and leaves you yearning for more.
Last night my nine-year-old daughter asked me if Nanny would be able to come to her wedding. I had to answer her that I did not think Nanny would be able to do that, but that perhaps when we are in Heaven, God allows us to have glimpses of those we love when they are so happy. She burst into tears and exclaimed that she wanted Nanny to see her in her wedding dress! I just held her tight and she cried while I prayed; for her, for my mom, for wisdom in how to guide my children through this. I absolutely hate it when kids bring up things for which you have NO ANSWER and can't even give them anything that makes any logical sense to you, let alone their little minds. Finally, I settled on sharing with her that my sister Joyce, who was premature and passed away the same day she was born, needed a turn with Nanny. I shared with her how we have had Nanny all these years and Joyce would get to have her for a few years before we all got there and had an eternity to spend together. This brought a huge smile to her face. "I never thought about it like that", she said.
This brings me back to the half of the sandwich that remains my number one responsibility; my children. The part of the sandwich that remains in between the slices of bread is still evolving, changing and growing. Stay tuned...
I do think that there are a lot of opportunities that exist to help educate people about this disease and how to best help those suffering from its effects, but are still able to be out and in the community. I do believe that since many people don't know what to do or how to do it, they just choose to do nothing at all. Their fear of doing or saying the wrong thing causes them to not do anything at all. Those closest to the Alzheimer's patient often confuse their ignorance (and I'm using that term as it is defined; please do not confuse it with stupidity) with insensitivity.
Yesterday I received a wonderful book in the mail. It is titled, Creating Moments of Joy by Jolene Brackey. I was unable to locate it at my local bookstore, but was able to order it through Amazon.com. I was completely hooked after just a few pages. I wish that today I had the time to just sit down and devour the book in its entireity. It is nothing short of amazing. It is humorous, light-hearted and REAL. It gives practical insite into how to best bring joy to the Alzheimer's patient and subsequently those closest to them. If you know ANYONE who has suffered from this disease, it is a must read. I am so thankful to the family who recommended it to me. Up until this point, I became nauseated everytime I even picked up a book on the subject of Alzheimers. This book is different and leaves you yearning for more.
Last night my nine-year-old daughter asked me if Nanny would be able to come to her wedding. I had to answer her that I did not think Nanny would be able to do that, but that perhaps when we are in Heaven, God allows us to have glimpses of those we love when they are so happy. She burst into tears and exclaimed that she wanted Nanny to see her in her wedding dress! I just held her tight and she cried while I prayed; for her, for my mom, for wisdom in how to guide my children through this. I absolutely hate it when kids bring up things for which you have NO ANSWER and can't even give them anything that makes any logical sense to you, let alone their little minds. Finally, I settled on sharing with her that my sister Joyce, who was premature and passed away the same day she was born, needed a turn with Nanny. I shared with her how we have had Nanny all these years and Joyce would get to have her for a few years before we all got there and had an eternity to spend together. This brought a huge smile to her face. "I never thought about it like that", she said.
This brings me back to the half of the sandwich that remains my number one responsibility; my children. The part of the sandwich that remains in between the slices of bread is still evolving, changing and growing. Stay tuned...
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